Had I met my inner critic a long time ago, years of depression could have been
Silencing my inner critic was one of the hardest challenges I’ve ever had to overcome. It kept me not performing at my best at work. It kept me from making choices that I actually wanted to make. It kept me from taking chances and becoming the best version of myself.
Worst of all, it drove me from depression to a deep self-condemning cycle of mental f*ckery.
Quieting my inner critic took work. It took faith that I would make it out the other side, as well as a deep, deep, belief that I was good enough. Thoughts from the self critic ran deep, but the “worthy one” was even deeper. The problem was, it was so deep it was covered up.
My goal was to dig however deep to find the worthy one.
Here are some exercises you can start today to begin to silence your inner critic.
1. Give it a name and a face.
Personifying parts of your personality is a surprisingly useful tactic to understanding and controlling them.
It’s also the base for many of the other exercises.
Give your inner critic a name. For me, it was the “Judge”. I named mine Judge because he was SO judgemental. He would judge others and he would judge me.
When you’ve given your inner critic a name, then get out a piece of paper and give it a face too. I am NO ARTIST, and here is what I came up with:
There is no right or wrong.
Give it a face, any face!
2. DON’T fight it. Listen to it. Treat it like a friend.
Treat your inner critic with listening and understanding rather than countering everything it says.
After all, your inner critic is a part of YOU. There is no need to be fighting with yourself.
Listen to that part of you and accept (temporarily) the feelings it makes you feel. You’ll notice all your inner critic wants is attention.
Close your eyes, recognize it, and give it the attention it wants. You may be surprised by just how easily it fades away.
3. Ask It Questions
When giving your inner critic some attention, it helps to ask it some questions.
Start with these, and write the answers on paper with your non-dominant hand. Yes your handwriting will be sloppy and that’s okay. What this does is “tap into” the lesser-used, subconscious, part of your mind. You are building new neural connections in your brain making this information easier to retrieve and control in the future.
- Hey (inner critic’s name), what do you want?
- Hey (inner critic’s name), what are you trying to do?
- Hey (inner critic’s name), how are you trying to help me?
Then ask yourself:
- What would be missing in my life if my inner critic disappeared?
4. Draw. The good, the bad, and it’s okay if its ugly.
This one really changed my perspective.
Keep your pen and paper out and go get another few pens of different colors.
Now, on a piece of paper, draw a big picture of you down the middle that splits the page in half. (I literally drew a big stick figure when I did this.)
Pick a color and on the left side draw symbols for things that represent what your inner critic complains about.
For example:
- I’m single.
- I have no friends.
- I’m not attractive.
- I’ll fail.
- It’s too risky.
In a different color on the right hand side, draw symbols for things you you like about yourself. Things that you’re happy about.
For example
- I get to travel a lot.
- I’m very focused.
- People like my smile.
- I’m ambitious.
Now the fun part. In yet another color, connect the thoughts on the left with thoughts on the right by drawing a line between two that are related.
(For example, I connected “I’m single” with “I’m focused”, reasoning that I was
What this exercise does is gives you a whole picture of you. Both the good and the bad. You see yourself as not all bad and not all good. But just like everyone else, you’re a bit of both. Its Ying-Yang.
The good things are not possible without some of the bad things and some of the bad things can actually drive the good ones.
You’re fine just the way you are. Accept yourself this way, and you’re one step closer to freedom.
5. Replace language. “Can’t” or “never” with “haven’t yet”.
Language matters SO MUCH when it comes to your thoughts and how you silently talk to yourself.
In fact, it also matters a lot for how you speak externally, with the words you say to others, since the words you say to others, on some level, you believe yourself.
Write out some of the things your inner critic is saying. Especially the things which you want but s/he doesn’t want you to have.
For example:
- “I’ll never find the girl of my dreams.”
- “I’ll never be successful”
- “I can’t get any girl to like me.”
Write them all out and underline the key words like “can’t” or “never”.
Then rewrite each sentence one by one, but replace the underlined words with “haven’t yet”. A little rewording might be required, but you should end up with something like this:
- “I haven’t yet found the girl of my dreams.”
- “I haven’t yet become successful.”
- “I haven’t yet gotten a girl to like me.”
Doesn’t that sound SO MUCH better?
Go around thinking those thoughts for the rest of the day instead and see how you feel. 🙂
6. Start talking to yourself. Yes, it’s okay. Yes, it helps.
Talk to yourself. Not in your head, but on paper.
I started with a spreadsheet, but it was so useful I wrote an app for my phone to make it easier.
Here’s what you do.
- Start with a spreadsheet or a simple piece of paper. Something where you have two columns.
- On the left side, write down a negative thought your inner critic says.
- On the right side, respond in a positive way. How would a really good friend who supported you respond to this statement?
- Naturally your inner critic will counter with a rebuttal. Good! Write that down on the left side.
- Again on the right hand side, respond in a constructive and positive way.
Keep going until the inner critic has nothing left to say and you feel better.
This did WONDERS for me. Here’s an example so you can see how I did it. Click it to read!
7. Replace doubt with love.
All the above steps led me to this one.
When you really get down to it, love is the solution. Self-love is what will silence your inner critic.
Here is what I realized about my feeling of self worth.
There was a very strong and deep part of me that felt unworthy, and not good enough, and that I would fail at anything I tried.
But I knew deeper than that was a part of me that was capable enough to do anything.
However, the negative thoughts had layered on so thick, they were covering up that truer part of my mind.
It was in there, just way, way, way down.
It looked like this:
Image the two inner circles are like balloons, one inside the other, and you want to expand the innermost one.
First, what happens if you’re looking for the positive balloon? All you can see is the negative one! Because it surrounds it.
Once you do realize the positive balloon is there, and you start working to expand it, what happens as it expands? The negative balloon expands as well!
That doesn’t help!
Eventually what happens is the positive balloon will become so large and strong the negative balloon will pop. Your positive thoughts are made of much stronger energy than your negative thoughts. That’s why the negative balloon pops and the positive one never will.
Yes, you have to dig deep to get your inner critic on your side. To silence its nasty voice and take back control of your mind.
It is TOTALLY doable and totally life changing!
I really hope this has helped you. Please drop any comments or questions below, or don’t hesitate to shoot me an email.
