Are you a Not-Wanter?
Knowing what you want can be hard sometimes. Some people have trouble simply wanting in general.
If this is you, you’re not alone. Its interesting how common not knowing what you want is. Not wanting is a weird state to be in.
You know you should have wants and desires, but you don’t. I was like this and am still working on it. I remember thinking: “I want to want.” How strange is that?
Why We Don’t Want
Even if you do know what you want, actually wanting it can be uncomfortable.
For example, its possible to think the thought: “If I want X, that makes me a bad person.” Or: “If I want X, that makes me one of those kinds of people.” (And you don’t want to be one of those kinds of people!) Then there is the thought: “I want X but if I choose that then these people will think Y of me.”
You may have been having these thoughts for years.
You may have been suppressing your wants for years.
I know how this feels. I was one of these types of people.
If you’re at a point in life where you’re asking yourself what you want, it could be that your “wanting muscles” are weak. One thing about society is its very much structured to tell you how to be and what to have. For example:
- We buy cool clothes so we look cool so other people think we’re cool.
- We study certain majors in college because other people told us we should.
- We take certain jobs because other people said its the right way to go.
All in all, we make certain choices because other people either told us to, or they will think negatively about you if you don’t. (Well…you think they’ll think negatively about you if you dont.)
The point is, our entire lives, we live in a world where other people tell us what to do, what to think, and what to want.
Its time to want for yourself.
“But how do I start?”
Great question.
There are many articles online about this, unfortunately, I think many of them are ineffective. From everything I’ve tried, TWO things really gave me a new perspective on what I want.
I’ll get into both of them below.
Exercises To Find What You Want
Ok let’s try something. Grab a pen and paper for this one, you’ll want to follow along.
(See, even I just told you what to want! …it’s everywhere.)
Exercise One
First, write down 20 things you want.
It can be any 20. Things you have always dreamed of having, or doing, or going to, or whatever! See if you can write a list of 20. If not, just make note of how many you wrote down.
How many did you come up with? Let me know, I’m curious 🙂
Let’s move on to the second exercise. When I did this, it blew my mind, and I’ll tell you why in a minute.
Exercise Two
Write down and complete this sentence as many times as feels right to you.
- I want (something I want) , but (a reason why I can’t have it) .
What did you discover? Did you uncover any new wants? Did you find that thinking about why you “can’t” have things made it easier for you to remember what you want?
This approach takes the negative viewpoint and uses it to our advantage! It BLEW MY MIND the first time I did it. I found things I honestly wanted and neglected the fact that I wanted them.
But wait…there’s more!
Now, do the following
- Read each sentence out loud and see how it feels to say these things.
- Next, take your pen and CROSS OUT the second half of each sentence. Cross out the “but…”. (Was that liberating or what?)
- Now, re-read each sentence aloud.
How did that feel? Tell me in the comments or by <sending me a message> what you thought of this. We’re not done yet, though!
One other thing also blew my wanting-mind and really helped me see life from a place of abundance rather than lack.
Let’s move on to the third exercise.
Again, we are SURROUNDED by a world of people making us want what we don’t have. We quite literally cannot get away from it. Keep this in mind.
Exercise Three
Look back over your wants from exercise one and two. Now, start a new list to combine these two.
Here’s the catch:
- For every one thing you copy the another lists, write down one thing you want that you already have.
In this world, it is unnatural to want things that we already have. But yes you can want things you already have. If you continue to want them, you can continue to have them. If you no longer want them, then you don’t need to continue to have them.
You may want to be in a great relationship, and you are! Maybe you want to travel the world and have been for the past year. You may want to live in a certain city and are currently living in it.
It’s amazing how this change of thinking can make you feel.
THIS is living from abundance instead of lack. This is living in a world where you don’t feel not-enough because you don’t have X, Y, or Z.
Let’s Wrap It Up
When it comes to knowing what you want, the name of the game is to forget other people.
Don’t listen to what other people tell you to want (advertising, family, professors) and don’t worry about what other people may think of you for wanting what you want (family, friends, strangers, boy/girlfriends, dates).
We humans only have so much energy. If you’re focusing your energy on things you don’t have, you will mentally burn out. Instead, if you start focusing some of your energy on things you DO have, you’ll notice this energy becomes a lot lighter, stronger, and happier.
Want what YOU want, and get after it. STOP pretending you want what other people are telling you to want.
Please write in the comments below what you thought of this and if you discovered anything about yourself.
Now get out there and want, but want in a way that makes YOU happy 🙂
